| I've Had Enough Writing For Today |
[Nov. 16th, 2005|09:26 pm] |
| [ | mood... |
| |  blank | ] |
| [ | music... |
| | Brand New- "Failure By Design" | ] |
No entries today, I wrote essays in two different classes, then stayed at the school till 9 to finish the newspaper. I have no writing left. |
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| Random Thought I Had At Work |
[Nov. 14th, 2005|10:52 pm] |
Jesus, it would be hella easy
to become a thief. This particular thought ran through my head as a
customer counted out 255 dollars in cash and laid it out on the
counter. Then she realized she had forgotten hamburger buns and went to
go get some. She left the money just sitting out there, beckoning to me.
Of course, I didn't take any. The point is, it would have been ridiculously easy.
"Ah," you say. "But there would most certainly be repercussions for your actions."
To that, I respond: the customer came back and
proceeding to ask me how much money she had taken out, since she had
lost count. Dumbfounded, I said, "255 dollars."
That's what really got me thinking. Just leaving the
money out isn't so bad, considering I really couldn't hope to get away
with any theft. But not even remembering how much there was, then
asking instead of just counting it again? This woman was very trusting,
or naïve. But I guess they go hand in hand. Isn't naïvité (are the
accent marks necessary? I just like making them) really just a level of
trust that's too high for your own good?
In any case, the whole incident really showed to me
just how close we (as a race) are to complete and total savagery. Now,
I know this isn't a new illumination by any means. We've seen the
atrocities that take place after natural disasters, when we hope people
would be at their best. We've seen the looting and pillaging that
inevitably arise out of riots, when people realize that they can get
away with pretty much anything.
It's anonymity that brings out the worst in people.
When there's no personal responsibility, why worry about doing the
right (or socially acceptable) thing? (This is one of the themes of Lord Of The Flies, an excellent book which inspired these thoughts of man's fallibility.)
A prime example of anonymity as a shield can be seen
on the internet: on message boards, forums, blog sites, or anywhere
else with public areas to comment. People say everything and anything
they want, act like people they aren't, or, even scarier, act like who
they really are. Would there be the groups of people congregating
around their love of perverse sexual fetishes if the meetings were held
in person instead of on the anonymous internet? Would a nutjob
conspiracy theorist publish his rambling thoughts in a newspaper, with
his name and picture prominently featured?
The same goes for pretty much anyone, to varying
degrees. And a lot of people are strong enough to resist their urges,
no matter how strong the temptation. Even if there would be no
consequences whatsoever, plenty of people would refuse to give in if
presented the opportunity to steal, or loot, or take advantage of
someone.
The problem is, there are a lot of people who aren't
at a very high stage of moral development. Maybe they seem principled,
and perhaps they are. But for many these principles are based on a
system that rewards morality and punishes doing wrong. What happens
when these consequences are removed? They revert to a level that is
only concerned with anything bad will come of their decision, outside
of their own conscience. Would I have left the woman's money alone, if
I had a 100% chance of getting away with taking it?
I'd like to say yes, but I really can't be sure. All
I know is that I could have told the woman she only had counted out
$235, and she would have believed me.
Which makes me glad the incident happened, really. I
can draw comfort from the fact that there are still people who have
faith in humanity.
- word count: 635
- cumulative: 3,087
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 13th, 2005|01:24 am] |
Ok, so that last one was for Saturday, I'm posting another one now to
make up for missing Friday. That way, at least I'll have the right
number of posts, even if they weren't exactly added on the correct
days. If you make a mistake, correcting it to the best of your ability
is the first thing to do. Then, of course, you have to learn from it.
Anyhoo, on with the correcting. Into another 500 words I delve!
How about a rant on certain expressions that I hate? I'll start off
with "why do you like ____?" This one has many forms, but I think you
get the general idea. It also applies if you substitute "love" for
"like," now that I think about it.
First of all, liking or not liking someone is not always dependent on
certain variables, or on requirements that must be met. Sometimes there
is simply a connection, an intangible feeling that is either positive
or negative. You can't explain specifically why
you like this person, but you do. It's just there, and that's that. If
you feel the connection strongly enough, then you may very well end up
dating this person (as long as there is physical attraction; let's be
realistic).
That's why it really wilts my petunias (how's that for a metaphor?) when I have to explain
this connection. "Why do you like him?" They want to know if this
person has some outstanding quality that just too good to pass up. Is
he particularly funny, or smart, or insightful, or what? Well, guess
what, I just get along with him. We jibe. We operate along similar
frequencies, if you will.
Of course, sometimes you do
get along with someone because of some specific reason, and that's
fine. There are plenty of good ones. Maybe someone is just plain
hilarious, or maybe he/she and I are a lot alike and share many of the
same worldviews. The problem comes when people don't think that "I
don't know, we just do" is an acceptable answer. I get questioning
looks, and there is usually an awkward silence where I'm supposed to
magically concoct a reason out of thin air. (Mind you, this situation
doesn't come about all that often. Only a couple of times, that I can
think of, really. It just makes me a little mad, that's all.)
I really need to think of a standard answer to that question, so that
this doesn't become a thorn in my side later on. Something funny and
witty, but not defensive or accusing.
"It's like Apple Jacks, man: I just do."
See, this is why I started a journal. Before, I would just think about
these sorts of things, and they would float around in my head,
unexpressed. But with the creative juices flowing, I now have a
razor-sharp comeback ready to whip out whenever I need it. Now, I can
finally move on to some other neurotic problem that only I seem to
have.
- word count: 500 ( I didn't do that on purpose, but once I saw I reached 500 exactly I decided to stop.) (Plus, it's 2 a.m.)
- cumulative: 2452
There, all caught up. It's been 4 days, and I have 4 posts in the ol'
archive. Now I just need to post one Sunday night and I'll be all set.
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| Great Expectations |
[Nov. 13th, 2005|12:49 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | musings | ] |
| [ | mood... |
| | bluh | ] |
| [ | music... |
| | The New Pornographers | ] |
First of all, I'm counting this entry for Saturday rather than Sunday, because it still feels like Saturday to me. Also, because I can.
Well, it happened. Of course, I knew it had to happen eventually, but so soon? I was honestly surprised at my own weakness. And that's really what it is, weakness. I had plenty of chances to update my journal on Friday, but in the end I just didn't do it. I kept reminding myself to do it later, and pretty soon I simply ran out of day. Reminders of my failure stuck with me all through Saturday, as once I again I failed to update on time.
It may sound like I'm being too hard on myself. I mean, it's just a stupid online journal, right? Nothing important. Hell, I've made fun of LiveJournal, Xanga, MySpace and all of their different knockoffs and incarnations and plenty of times myself.
But it's more than that. It's not the journal, it's what the journal represents. I made a vow to keep writing in it every day, so I could improve. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I did it anyway because I really wanted to believe I could do it. Breaking a promise to myself is the real issue here, and it's why I feel so disappointed.
This isn't the first time this has happened, either. I've done this a couple times before with many different subjects. I said I would ride my bike several times per week. I said I would get a gym membership and go work out. I said I would keep track of my homework in a planner. I even said I would keep a notebook with me to jot down my thoughts, but I scrapped that idea in favor of this journal.
Obviously, everyone does this from time to time. I'm not under the delusion that I am special or unique in this regard. Isn't it a running gag that no one ever keeps their New Year's Resolution?
All I want is to understand why I keep setting myself up for failure. Am I genetically programmed to have a short attention span? (I hope so, because then it isn't my fault.) Is it a result of my parents' upbringing of me? (Again, not my fault) The nature vs. nurture debate is one of the fundamental conflicts of psychology; I can't hope to answer it. Most likely, it's a combination of the two.
So here's the thing: if who we were is a combination of our genes and upbringing, then are we really responsible for anything we do? Of course, to a certain degree we have free will. But that's mostly actual decisions we make in our lives, like what shirt to wear on a particular day. I'm talking about key personality traits like love, compassion, and ability to commit.
Which brings me back to my original topic, commitment. Am I doomed to this for the rest of my life? Will I grow out of it as adolescence ends? Can I force myself to change through sheer will and determination?
Well, as someone once said, "prepare for the worst, hope for the best." In other words, I guess I'll just have to try and force myself to stick to the plan outlined in the first post. (It's a good plan.) After all, lying back and resigning myself to a life of half-baked ideas and almost-finished projects isn't going to do any good. The only choice I have is to keep trying, not letting genetics or whatever convenient villain stop me from succeeding. God this sounds cheesy (cheesey?), but I honestly need to psyche myself up if I want to keep going.
Wish me luck...
- word count: 621
- cumulative: 1952
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| School Funding |
[Nov. 10th, 2005|03:57 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | rants | ] |
| [ | mood... |
| | shit, I gotta get to work! | ] |
| [ | music... |
| | Deep Purple - Smoke On The Water | ] |
So, once again another local school levy has failed to pass. Once
again, local citizens have decided that education is not worth spending
their money on. Once again, students are going to be the ones screwed
over by this.
It took several tries before our wonderful community decided to finally
approve a plan proposed a couple of years back to rejuvenate our sub-par
buildings with construction of a new high school and the getting rid of
some older elementary and middle schools. Sure, that was great, but now
the residents feel like they've done their part and nothing else is
required.
Unfortunately, people don't realize that none of that construction
money goes towards the actual day-to-day costs of our schools. Not one
cent. Ignorance has won the day, which should come as no surprise to
anyone familiar with voters and voting mentality.
Of course, they are in no way entirely to blame. The crack team in
charge of passing the levy did approximately jack shit to inform anyone
about the necessity of this bond issue. Apparently, their strategy was
to downplay the election as much as possible, and hope that voter
apathy will prevail, with only parents and others interested in passing
the levy bothering to go out and vote. (Note: I wasn't being sarcastic,
that was their actual strategy.)
Obviously, this method was a miserable failure, with the bond issue
being rejected by an almost 2:1 ratio. I would have thought it common
knowledge that when confronted with an issue they don't understand, the
vast majority will reject it out of ignorance or fear of higher taxes
(also known as "the devil" to most people).
The worst part of it is the fact that this bond issue was (and is)
really very necessary. My school district is at the bare bones of
operating expenses right now; we're at the state minimum for spending
on school supplies. If gasoline and natural gas prices climb too high,
the situation could become disastrous.
Of course, very few voters knew any pertinent information. Many people
thought that the building levy passed several years ago was good
enough, not realizing that the district can't legally spend that money
on anything other than construction. Others were riled up about a
"scandal" involving the superintendent "double-dipping" by retiring and
then returning to work, allowing her to earn pension money from the
state as well as a salary. Notice the quotation marks around the word
"scandal," because anyone informed about the issue knows that
double-dipping is very common among teachers and administrators. In
fact, it saves the district (and voters) money by outsourcing some of
the superintendent's salary to the state. Not to mention she is still
paid less than superintendents of neighboring schools with smaller
student bodies.
This is all endemic of the larger American mentality (it may be like
this in other countries too, I don't know) that education is not really
all that important. I could have phrased that better, but fuck it
because I can't even get into the mentality of people who think that
way. Education is so incredibly vital to a successful country that no
explanation should be required! It's the educated, the intelligent, who
shape the way a country functions.
That's why our school funding system is in such desperate need of
overhaul. It is entirely dependent on property taxes; any extra money
needed by the district must be voted on in the form of a levy.
Cash-strapped school districts can't rely on these to save them. Plus,
as my dad pointed out, a levy that is
passed keeps a fixed rate throughout its duration, not taking into
account inflation or cost-of-living increases. This means that
districts get even less money out of passed levies than originally proposed.
Not to mention linking school funding with property taxes gives an obvious advantage to rich areas and fucks over poorer ones.
Funny thing is, all of this has been pointed out to the state
legislature, by the Supreme Court of Ohio, no less. A decision handed
down by the Court a decade ago
ordered the legislature to come up with a new, constitutional way of
funding schools. What the hell have our (mostly Republican)
representatives been doing this whole time? I don't understand why they
aren't thrown in jail for contempt of court, or whatever the crime for
not following a ruling is. One of our representatives is coming to
speak to our politics class, and I sure plan on asking him. Will he
even care, since I can't vote yet? Doubtful, but I honestly want to
hear what his response will be.
Unfortunately that's all for today, since I have to go to work. Kind of
ironic that part of my payroll taxes will be going to the schools.
- Word count: 799
- cumulative: 1331
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| The Initial Post |
[Nov. 9th, 2005|05:35 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | the journal | ] |
| [ | mood... |
| | undeservedly smug | ] |
| [ | music... |
| | Wolf Parade - Apologies To The Queen Mary | ] |
Don't judge me, all right? I have good reasons for starting a
LiveJournal. I've always liked writing, and in fact I am considering
pursuing a career in journalism. The thing is, writing in large amounts
always feels like more of a chore than it should. Even 500 word
articles/columns for my high school newspaper are fraught with pressure
and late-night scrambling because of my procrastination. I've known for
a while that I need to do some writing just for the fun, not for
homework or other such mandatory reasons.
After all, practically everything requires daily progress in order to
show improvement. I've learned that from playing the guitar, not to
mention it's common knowledge for anyone involved in any sport or
activity. In that light, two things inspired me to get off of my ass
and start writing.
The first is National Novel Writing Month, which is November. The idea
is to get novel of at least 50,000 words by the end of the month. While
I don't think I am at that level yet, I would like to be ready to try
next year.
The second is a great piece of advice from Eric Burns, who said that to become a better writer, you need to write a little bit each and every day.
This is by no means new or revolutionary advice, but I am an admirer of
Mr. Burns' writing and think he is as much an authority on the subject
as anyone.
The two combined in a post Burns wrote on his website about NaNoWriMo.
He said that one of most common things he hears when telling people
that he is a writer is, "Oh, I always wanted to write a book, but I
never got around to it."
Well, I want to get around to it. I don't want to be like my mom, always talking about things she'd like to write about, if only she could, whatever that means.
So, the goal is to put at least 500 words in this journal, each and
every day. Maybe I won't meet it all the time, but God dammit I'm going
to to try. In short:
- 500 words a day, 7 days a week
- If I know I'm going to be unavailable a certain day, I will write posts in advance and post them before said day.
- The 500 words will be about whatever interests. This could be
current events, personal things (typical LJ fare, I know), stupid
crap, maybe even stabs at short stories and other fiction.
- I'm not going to actively publicize this journal, but I won't
discourage people from reading if they so choose. Except my parents.
- I can't guarantee this will be interesting to myself or to
others. I'm just hoping I won't be too embarrassed if I look back at
these posts years from now.
- Oh yeah, I think I'll note the word count of each post (not
including the word count sentence itself), plus keep a cumulative word
count. Just so I can see how far I'm going, and how long it takes me to
get 50,000 words.
Let this mark the beginning, then. Of whatever this is going to be.
- word count: 532
- cumulative word count: 532
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